Still [Part 3]

This entry is part 3 of 3 in the series Still — A Reason To Hope

There are a lot of things I don’t understand, I never complained; complacence, you think? No it’s more like mediocrity.

What would you do if you’ve struggled in vain for so hard? I was like a kid stuck under a rock, I struggled for so long, but could barely move an arm..

I mastered pain, or so I told myself.. But the thought of the day of reckoning tears me apart like a terrible cataclysm.

‘Do you believe?’ Still asked me. Is he kidding? I’ve never believed in anything but disbelief. I contented myself with the thought that if you don’t expect much in the first place, you’d never have to go through the pain of disappointment; how wrong I was!

Now I know, the D-ses have no regard for the timid. Disappointment, dejection, diseases, downcast-liness, even death.

I’ve lived in this condition.. I’m a product of experiences, if I could start all over, I would change everything.

…that I can survive without worrying? …that I can be more than the shadow I’ve been? …that I can thrive in the light? Hold it please! Just like Shunn, I’d say also, don’t raise my hopes with fantasies – this is not Utopia you know.

Yes, I was there once.. The bliss, the ambience, the stillness, the precious bubblings.. It’s all like a dream now.

I want to, I want to believe.. Give me a reason to believe, a reason to live.

I hate this place, despair is all I know, I hate myself, because love is spelled ‘stake to the heart’.

Yes!

I want to leave, this horrible misery has eaten me too deep, like a zombie virus… I want to, I really want to.. But it’s hard, it’s hard to believe… It’s hard to accept, that all isn’t lost.

Save me! Save me from this drowning mire. Somebody!… Anybody!.. Please, I want to be free from all of this..

‘I know’.. Still responded…

I’m changing, I’m less scared, but I’m weak, so weak.. I know I need help, now I want it… If belief will solace afford, I say Yes, I believe!

Series NavigationStill [Part 2]
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